SHARKS

Bonjour!

I would like to update you on a recent invention of mine. I finally figured out a way to reduce shark attacks with out harming humans and more importantly sharks. It uses a solar powered camera that sends out tiny vibration every time a shark is spotted near a swimming area, these vibrations repel the sharks without harming them. I presented this idea on the popular TV show Shark Tank (ironic right!) The entrepreneurs on the TV show absolutely loved the idea and gave me 3 billion dollars to add to my already large endowment. The president of KSAFO (keep sharks alive forever organization) was so impressed by my invention that he gratuitously created an effigy in my honor. After many weeks of protracted negotiations, my new invention is now being made mandatory to have on every beach in the USA! I am very happy to inform you that the nets formerly used to keep sharks away from the beaches will be excised from use and made illegal. As many of you may know sharks are never dormant, they must always be moving in order to allow oxygen into their gills. If a shark were to stop moving they would suffer from severe atrophy and eventually death. Many sharks got stuck in the nets and died due to lack of oxygen.

Thank you for all the support through my journey!

Peace Love Sharks

-Ezra Waters

Life of a Shark Attack Expert

Hello dear friends,

My name is Ezra Waters and I am an expert on shark attacks. Sharks are often seen as unpalatable creatures, they cause malaise and fear in those who happen upon them while swimming. I have spent my whole life trying to create a pragmatic solution towards reducing the amount of shark attacks. I have yet to find a way that doesn't involve the immurement of either the shark or the human but trust me, I won't give up.
Unfortunately sharks have become an endangered species, these prodigious creatures are much more vulnerable than we thought. Over 100 million sharks are killed each year for their fins. Shark fins are used in a Japanese delicacy called shark fin soup. This succulent soup is the leading cause of death in the shark kingdom. We can no longer stand by as these people slaughter with impunity. There will be no equanimity until there is justice for these poor creatures.